Mark McGowan Eats Queen Elizabeth’s Dog

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“I’M raising awareness at the inability of the RSPCA to prosecute Prince Philip and his friends for shooting a fox this year. It was left to fight for life for five minutes then beaten to death.”

The words of Mark McGowan, animal rights campaigner, swan eater (it was performance art, dear), peanut pusher (with his nose from Peckham to Downing Street) and now would-be corgi eater.

Yes, gentle reader, to avenge Philip’s heinous act, McGowan will eat a corgi dog, of a type favoured by Philip’s wife The Queen.

And this eating will occur live on London’s 104.4 Resonance FM on May 29.

Before we go on, we reveal that Mr McGowan is not Malaysian by birth or design. The eating is not part of travelogue for Malaysian TV. The dog was not delivered ready stuffed from a Christmas meal.

But it is dead. The Sun says the corgi died at a breeding farm last week. We imagine it is being hung and by the time of its eating it will be higher than Pete Doherty at a royal garden party.

The Queen is unavailable for comment. And Prince Philip is thought to be delighted and laughing very, very hard...