Crabbie's Hollywood: Jennifer Wants Brad

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From Crabbie's Hollywood: 

A source tells OK! Magazine that Jennifer Aniston has begun the process of adopting herself a new baby boy. Reportedly, Jennifer was inspired to make this move by seeing how happy pal Sheryl Crow is with her own little adopted kid Wyatt. The whole thing has absolutely nothing to do with Jennifer being insanely jealous of Angelina Jolie, who has become famous for adopting orphans in partnership with Jennifer's ex-husband Brad Pitt. Jennifer is in no way, shape or form trying to compete with Angelina. It's all about Jennifer doing what's right for her.

Hmm, and what exactly is right for Jennifer? Lately, dating Paul Sculfor has been right for her. But is Paul  Sculfor the kind of man a woman like Jen would want to settle down and raise kids with? A former cokehead model who has the added disadvantage of being British and therefore smelly? I don't think Jen is really serious about Sculfor - he's just a fling. No, there's only one man Jennifer wishes to truly share her happiness with. Brad Pitt.

Jennifer has not gotten over Brad - in fact, she hasn't even begun getting over him. I know this because every time Jen gives an interview she insists she's put the whole thing behind her - this is a dead give-away that she actually thinks about him every waking minute, dreams about him, sometimes thinks she sees him squeegeeing her car at red-lights only to realize it's actually Vince Vaughn (he's stalking her, plus he can't get work). In fact, Jennifer will never get over Brad - and deep down she knows this. So what is her only option? To try and get him back. And why did he dump her in the first place? He liked burying his face in Angelina's crotch - plus, Jennifer refused to have kids. Well, Jennifer is solving that second issue. Now she'll be able to welcome Brad back with her own open arms and those of a tyke. 

All she needs is for Angelina to suddenly close her legs. This could happen at any moment, for one of a multude of reasons, most utterly insanity. Like Angie suddenly thinking Brad's tongue is a snake that's trying to drink her life-juice out through her vagina. Or Billy Bob Thornton popping in one day and making Angelina realize how much she misses his braying horse-noises. It's only a matter of time.

Emily 10k+ Emily Published 6/14/07   Message Add to Friends
 

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Comments (8)

  • So true, and so funny!! Damn that Angelina!
    anonymous anonymous 6/14/07 Reply
     
  • does anyone think it is actually (mentally? physically?!) possible to get over brad?
    cuz I DONT! i was never married to him, and I'm no where near being over that hunk o loveeee
    Emily 10k+ Emily 6/14/07   Message Add to Friends Reply
     
  • i love jennifer i want brad and her back together still
    InFamously 95 InFamously 6/14/07   Message Add to Friends Reply
     
  • jennifer and brad should be together. angelina is a thief- she just loves a chase... can't wait to for the jolie-pitt affair to end.
    guapasf 50 guapasf 6/15/07   Message Add to Friends Reply
     
  • put gutter snipe who's career is careening downward, Brad Pitt can only make her marketable. Plus have you seen her lately? Jolie isn't ageing well, but Jennifer is. Jolie hit the plastic surgeon will be your only salvation
    anonymous anonymous 6/17/07 Reply
     
  • I am also a fan of Jemmifer. I would like her to get a new boy friend, because I do not think Bradpit deserves to her.
    anonymous 10 yonodera1 6/20/07   Message Add to Friends Reply
     
  • hiiiiiiii
    anonymous 5 memooo 6/21/07   Message Add to Friends Reply
     
  • Jennifer can do alot better than Brad.Who would want him after angelina has used him.
    anonymous anonymous 6/26/07 Reply
     

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