For centuries, society has been founded upon the fundamental axiom that good things happen to good people. After all, if it weren’t true, why would anyone want to be good?
That is precisely why this season on The Hills has turned our worlds upside down. Heidi too-big-for-her-britches Montag, who has done nothing more at Bolthouse Productions than chat about personal issues, make personal phone calls, and occasionally go out to lunch, stole a much-deserved promotion from her overtanned but totally decent co-worker, Elodie.
Let’s take stroll down The Hills memory lane, shall we?
Poor Elodie has been listening patiently to The Heidi Show’s non-stop self-promotion for almost two seasons now. She was the first to warn Heidi that her and The Tool, I mean, Spencer, were moving too fast (DUH) and the only one to stand by Heidi when she and Lauren “LC” Conrad had a falling out in which Heidi was clearly at fault. Elodie even managed not to vomit when Heidi showed off her “engagement” ring…even pushing out a couple half-hearted but believeable “Congratulations”. Elodie listened and listened and listened to Heidi run her mouth. So much so that at one time, we (the audience) wondered about the whereabouts of Elodie’s self-respect, postulating that perhaps Elodie was hard of hearing.
SO, when there is ONE thing that Elodie gets excited about (a new job opened up at Bolthouse that Elodie is jonesing for and completely deserves) , you’d think Heidi would hear her out? Maybe even wish her luck?
Not a chance.
Heidi went behind Elodie’s back and stole the job for herself. She stole. The Job. COLD-HEARTEDLY STOLE IT.
Last night, after months of playing the doormat, Elodie finally let Heidi have it. And thus ensued the verbal bitch slap heard ‘round the world.
Naturally, the internet is abuzz today with people wanting to give Elodie some sort of virtual standing ovation. Her glares and eye rolls on the show as of late have been precious, but the reality check she gave Heidi last night was priceless!
Let’s relive it, shall we?
Heidi I just can't believe she's talking to her crazy, abusive ex-boyfriend who went to rehab and jail...and she can't forgive me? It's like, is she out of her mind? So we try to send them over drinks, to be like, let's feel out the water, like, you know. So they send them back, so we're like, okay.
Elodie So what exactly did you do to her that makes her not even want to accept a drink?
Heidi [Speechless.]
Elodie And also, you know, you were also friends with Audrina, and now she doesn't talk to you anymore.
Heidi [Yup, still speechless.]
Elodie You were friends with Whitney, too! You don't even know what's wrong and what's right anymore. [Wait for it....] It's so sad.
Heidi [Awkward moment of silence.]
Elodie Well, I'm gonna finish up on this, so...see ya.
The World: WILD APPLAUSE!
*See it all go down (or watch Heidi be mortified) over and over again by clicking here.
*(If you are a masochist and wish yourself severe and unending second-hand embarrassment, search Heidi Montag’s new single, Higher, on YouTube. Purely out of principle, I will not post it here. They have got to come up with a name other than ‘music’ for this stuff.)
LC
Audrina
Heidi
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