Mocksie: Michael Lohan Won't Shut up

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Pictures: Michael Lohan Visiting Lindsay In Rehab

See More... Proving that he can barely so much as put on his shoes without calling a press conference about it, Michael Lohan is whoring out a taped phone message he allegedly received from Lindsay while she’s been in rehab.

Papa Lohan played a tape to Extra, which he claimed was from a phone conversation he had with Lindsay.

The alleged voice of Lindsay said, “I called mom earlier and asked her how to get through to you … She wouldn’t tell me. … To be honest, I sat in a room with Cody (brother) and he wants to see you but he is so afraid of what mom tells him … I know that mom still loves you. Dad, I’m the same person as you. I’m the same as you. … Why are you becoming a minister? Dad, that’s retarded. Are you becoming a minister to prove yourself? You don’t have to be a minister to stay sober … I know that mom’s drinking did not keep you sober. Mom, shouldn’t drink, I know.”

For the first time in the history of ever, I agree with Lindsay Lohan on something: her father should not become a minister. Who the hell wants to go get spiritual enlightenment, only to spend the entire service reassuring the minister that “Yeah, sure, I bet she really likes you best. No, you seem like a great dad. Hey, no, that’s okay, I don’t want to hold her baby teeth. Ew, you have a pair of her underwear? Man, put that away, nobody wants to see that.”