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• Steve Sanders sends Heidi flowers for her 3rd 21st birthday. I assume he stole them off a grave. He even writes a little note that says, “Happy 21st birthday. Here’s to another 100 birthdays together.” Really Steve? 100 more birthdays? Look, I don’t think this world needs Heidi Montard in it for 6 more birthday, let alone another 100. You really want her to live to 121? 121 years old. Oh yeah? Well you better put some extra sets of boobs and chins in the freezer because Heidi’s going to need some plastic surgery touch-ups during the following birthdays: 30, 41, 45, 50, 52, 56, 60, 63, 64, 68, 70, 71, 79 (she’ll let herself go for a few years), 80, 85, 91, 92, 93, 96, 100, 101, 105, 107, 110, 115, 120, 121.
• Do I feel kinda bad that Heidi’s birthday lunch is only with a co-worker? A little. Damn you writers of The Hills for allowing me to fall into this trap! This is exactly what you want from me. Damn you! Damn you and your brilliant pens!
• Heidi explains that for her 21st b-day she’ll be going on a “surprise dinner” with Steve Sanders. Awesome. Surprise! Here’s your dinner! You’re 21. You should be on a party bus going through LA doing shots, puking. Oh well, keep drinking your white-trash White Zin….I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
• And cue Audrina and Justin Bobby at the Viper Room wearing matching leather jackets. I’ve been to the Viper Room and it sucked. Although if you like glass breaking at your feet and people puking on the floor then by all means, attend.
• Wait, Audrina is literally wearing a white t-shirt and that’s all. Her teeth are actually whiter than her t-shirt. A first for teeth, I believe.
• It must mean a lot to the band that the receptionist from Epic (Audrina) is telling them that their music is good.
• What happened to Steve Sanders Santa Claus beard?
• Steve gives Heidi a purse that looks like a car seat and…she’s psyched.
• This goes down as the worst 3rd 21st birthday ever. Awkward looks. Awkward conversation. Awkward smiles. An awkward nose and an awkward chin too.
• Steve Sanders and Heidi are legit interacting like an elderly couple who have been married for 41 years and literally have nothing left to say to each other. I’m uncomfortable looking at them….and more than normal.
• Audrina and Justin Bobby are out at the Ruse afterparty drinking “naughty schoolgirls” which come with a lollipop in them. I think Audrina should have ordered the “Toothy Tool” that comes with some Crest Strips in it. Oh well. Although it is great that Justin Bobby is ok with drinking what looks like a Cosmo.
• Stop the F’n press. Did Justin Bobby, IN A LEATHER JACKET, just say, “Aaaayyyy” like “The Fonz?” Seriously, I may have to rename Justin Bobby “The Fonz.” I pray to my sweet Jesus that this season never ends.
• The dude from Ruse is all into Audrina and asks Justin Bobby what the deal is with him and her. Of course, “The Fonz” says, “We’re cool she’s a good girl.” The dude from Ruse then gets even more direct and says, “Is she available to be asked out.” To which “The Fonz” continuously says, “She’s pretty good. She’s pretty good.” Huh? What the hell does that mean? I think what he meant to say was, “Please, sir, wait until the cameras stop rolling as Audrina and I are just together for the show and I’m not quite sure how to answer this with a microphone attached to me and a camera in my face. Pip pip!” Ok fine, so I assume that when the cameras stop rolling Justin Bobby has a British accent.
• Everyone loved the Young Hollywood party and Whitney was a hero.
• Justin Bobby and Audrina are literally stumbling home drunk and it looks like Justin Bobby stole some pants from a 5th grade boy and put them on. Diddler.
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Do you think Heidi and Spencer from "The Hills" will eventually get married?
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