David Beckham’s Hung Like a Tractor

In proportion to what is unspecified - his talent, his fame, his brand, his wife? Says Vicky, in the Sun: “He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his.”

The advert is the one debated earlier in the week. And in truth, you cannot tell what is and is not Beckham’s; even the underpants that cover Little Becks carry the name tag “Armani”.

But this is talk of Beckham’s genitals is not all that pleasant. Many did look at the picture of Beckham in his Y-fronts and think “penis” or some word to that affect, but it is something best left alone.

Says Her Poshness, poshly: “It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!” Covered in mud and spewing out noxious substances? Who would want to get into bed with the outflow pipe from a piece of farm machinery? And since when did Her Poshenss become au fait with farms - has she been consorting with Rebecca Loos, pig tosser of repute?

Vicky continues: “I love sex. It is very important. I don’t need to take my whip home. I already have one there.”

Well, if he won’t come willingly…

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