Paul Missing And Lady Heather Mills Looking For Shaky

So says the Mail. Both parties are due to sign their divorce settlement, an agreement for Paul to give Lady Heather £20million and £2.5million over the next 14 years.

Shocking stuff. Shocking enough for Jenny, “18, from the Wirral”, to appear in the Sun without her clothes on and tell us: “I can’t believe this court battle is still rumbling on.”

“Judge to decide how much Heather gets,” says the Express. The paper reports that Paul was “Clearly unable to bear any more of the courtroom salvos from Ms Mills, 65-year-old Sir Paul did not attend the High Court in London yesterday.”

No calculated ploy then, rather an aged man rising above it all. The Mail says the move is intended to save Paul money, allowing High Court judge Mr Justice Bennett to set the terms of Mills’ recompense.

But might there be another reason? Might it be that, ever the showman, Paul is making ready to announce himself as one Hank Marvin, who replaced Paul when he died some years ago?

Mindful of this we read in the Star that Mills is “searching for a new man”. She wants a man who is her financial equal (to be established) and aged between 45 and 60.

Old Mr Anorak The Younger fits the bill, or Shakin’ Stevens, as his friends known him by…

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