The Insider: Contributed by AgentOrange

Wacky-doo Wednesday!!

AgentOrange — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:41:48 GMT

http://www.comics2film.com/index.php Where there's smoke, there's mirrors Now we know what Christian Bale has been up to lately. At least we've heard the stories. The stories are pretty vague, but the seem to imply, or leave it to the listener to infer, that on the eve of Bale's Bat Man premier bale got in to an argument with his mother and sister. At some point, he may have got worked up and slapped his mother around. It's Complicated Now for the amount of coverage this story is getting, there is a real dearth of details. For instance we know that Bale was arrested, or maybe only held for questioning. At any rate he had a chat with the cops. The cops didn't think it serious enough to yank him out of the premier, but waited until it was over to take him in. There's always something happening but there's nothing going on Now that chat definitely had something to do with his mother - maybe, and perhaps a woman who may or may not be his sister. I say 'may or may not' because when the paparazzi swarmed Bale's mother home, a woman stuck her head out the window and hollered 'shove of this is a family matter'. No one is exactly sure who this woman is. We know that Bale's mom name is Jenny, though! We also know that the issue (there isn't enough information at this time to call it an 'open case') may have something to do with assault. The assault may have been on Bale's mother, or his 'alleged' sister. Also what constitutes an assault is still open at this time. Bale may have pushed his mom, or merely brushed past her on his way out of the residence. He may have even been a witness to an altercation occurring between his mother and the mystery woman/sister. That would explain the cops' lax attitude in picking Bale up. What can be said with certitude at this time is that there is nothing new to report. So let's talk about a story that does have some hard facts. It even has an accompanying video. That story would be Natalie Portman's latest cinematic misadventure. It's a 'music video' of epic misproportions, made by her current boyfriend Davendra Banhart, and it's a wacky Bollywood type spoof. So, without further adieu, here it is: There now, wasn't that a treat! What's more, the reviews are in and they are pretty much unanimous! For instance Gossiprocks poster Revelinginthesane says "WTF?" Brevity is the essence of wit. However Reveling goes on - "I want to say something nice, but there is just nothing that fits the criteria. What a piece of trash." That's kinda harsh, but fellow GR poster Sleuth says - "how friggen embarrassing... I hope she's embarrassed...im embarrassed for her... yeesh". Wow, but what do some of the others say? Marvel says "I kind of laughed my ass off. It was funny. It's supposed to be funny and stupid right? That's what they were aiming for right? " Big M sounds kind of uncertain about that. Sacha Baron Cohen has kind of redefined humour, so no one can be too certain anymore. Taffymoon says - "I liked it, but the music was crap". That's rough, 'cause apart from Ms Portman, the music might have been the best, or least awful part of it. Incognito, with ever a keen eye for the fashion, observes - "His pants are so low, his pubes are showing. GROSS". I'm sure that we might have preferred a glimpse of Nat's short and curlies. Finally GR's resident troll and pest poster Agent Orange says posts a video response: Orange then goes on to quip - "'It made every Indian critics top 100 list!' & it's still better than Devendra. It was a livelier outing than some of Portman/Hershlag's (or ðèìé äøùìâý in Hebrew) previous ventures, such as "Enzymatic Production of Hydrogen", and my personal favourite "Frontal Lobe Activation During Object Permanence". I especially liked it when she got to the lobe activation. Thank you come again". Now some of Agent Orange's attempts at humour can come off as desperate as Tom Cruise's attempts to come of straight. Alot of the Big O's commentary requires a little explanation (which is never good in an attempt at humour) - like reference to some papers that Portman had published while in university. Orange may or may not be clear on what is meant by "lobe stimulation", but I'd advise against getting any high hopes about it. Orange does post some interesting links on brainy actresses, which refer to Ms Portman's many cerebral accomplishments: Most Intelligent Actresses Beauty & Brains: Celebrity Babes with High IQs - Being a Man - Fanpop and also this little tidbit on the dishonest and pathetic Sharon Stone: Digg - Hotties with High IQ's I don't think that anyone ever bought Sharon Stone's smart routine, 'cause she was just never a good enough actress to pull such a thing off. Unlike Ms Portman, Bollywood rag not withstanding, and hopefully we will soon see her in something more worthy of her talents. Perhaps she could take on a role as a super heroine in a skin tight cat suit??

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Top End Blarney

AgentOrange — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:08:27 GMT

Bat Man Goes Bat Shit? By now every entertainment gossip blog on the Internet is covering the Christian Bale assault charge story. Apparently the Dark Knight went amok with his mother and sister, so they charged him with conduct unbecoming a superhero, namely assault. The $64 000 question is: did Bat Shit slap the ladies around a bit, or merely threaten them with grievous bodily harm? Either will get you charged with assault, but neither is very good for your reputation. It's a shame that he had to mar his big moment of success, and the film that will be a major part of Heath Ledger's cinematic legacy. Since every other blog is covering this, Wondertrash will do something different, by offering you more of the same, and picking on the original coo-coo film star Tom Cruise. Here's a tasty tid bit to whet your appetite! Now there's a reason that I posted this, above and beyond the mere mockery value. It's because Tom Cruise is thinking of making a Top Gun sequel. Everything hasn't exactly been coming up Cruise for old Tommy lately. His new Hitler movie is expected to be the biggest bomb dropped on the public since World War 2. You've probably heard something about the flick, called Valkyrie. It's the one where Tom plays the aristocratic German military officer - Col. von Stoffenberg - who tries to assassinate die Fuhrer. The film ran into nothing but trouble while shooting on location in Germany. Tom is a stickler for details and wanted to shoot scenes in the actual historical locations. Hence the trip to die Fatherland. However Cruise hit a snag right away. Germany has outlawed Scientology. Apparently they aren't as enlightened as folks in Follywood, and think that the organization is some kind of money making pyramid scheme. What the typically unimaginative Germans have failed to see is that Sci is really an arena for mixed up power trippers to live out their fantasies of global domination, and enhance their feelings of personal significance, via the nifty format of the space opera. Given Germany's history of power tripping and world domination bids, it's hard to see how they missed this. Any 12 year old who's ever watched Star Trek could've picked up on it. Everybody really knows that the money is a secondary issue with religious cults. It's really about controlling the hearts and minds of their followers. The money's just a way of keeping score. Then again let's not sell the Krauts short. Perhaps they saw something of their past in the kooky little space man from Planet Hollywood, and it made them uncomfortable. Worse for Cruise, this isn't his only cinematic set back in a film that hasn't even been released yet. That would be the Edwin Salt movie. The flick sounded right up tom's alley, being the story of a CIA agent. Yet there were problems again. This time it was a matter of salary and reputation. Since Tom jumped the couch on day time TV, his name doesn't have the same cachet that it once did. So producers and studio execs think that they can now get him at cut rates. In fact while he was in negotiations for Salt, the studio circulated an internal memo about Cruise's relative worth, and possible alternatives for the lead. Well Cruise wasn't going to be bought off cheap. That's lead to the rumour that his good buddy Will Smith has been offered the role. It's also lead to the rumour that this will strain their relationship. If they offer Smith more than Cruise, it almost certainly will strain things. Well that brings us back to the future so to speak. With 2 of his recent projects pretty much up in smoke, Cruise is resorting to fall back Plan B. It is being reported that Tom is seriously considering making a sequel to Top Gun. The premise this time is that Tom is the teacher, and he is faced with a cocky young female pilot. It's roll reversal so to speak. Now this sort of thing peaks curiosity instantly. For one thing, which actress would be cast as the young, female Tom Cruise?? Also, could they get he old cast back together. Val Kilmer hasn't been doing much lately, except putting on a ton of weight (which he swears it's for a part in a movie, except no one in their right mind believes that anyone has offered Kilmer a role, unless it's a buttered dinner roll! This is what becomes of screwing Paris Hilton). For that matter Tom's been putting on some weight himself. He's getting chunky, and is even pictured with man-boobs. Now if the new cleavage he's sporting is for a film, he might well have himself a draw! Tom's also walking around with a brushed forward Beatles mop top. So everyone is wondering how far and fast Cruise's hairline is running away from his face (even his hair is trying to escape from the farce that his life and career have now become!). So with the boys both in such deplorable condition, it begs the question: would Top Gun 2 just be firing blanks?? Iceman, or Ice Cream Man? Wondertrash Bogus Zen:

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Oh What a Night!

AgentOrange — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 02:20:43 GMT

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2008/07/court_papers_fight_unraveled_i.html Ladies Livin Large - make a big stink By now upstate New York is reeling from the Stephen Page cocaine bust. It's apparently getting blanket media coverage in Syracuse. Syracuse.com is describing the coverage as something akin to "the parting of the Red Sea or at least the revelation that Boy George really is gay" A major uproar for what police initially thought would be a routine drug bust. Officers admit that they had no idea who Page was, when they arrested him. When they asked him if he was in a band, Page modestly replied "I'm a singer, and I play guitar". They local authorities were quick to found out how big their catch was, since according to PD spokespersons, their phones have been ringing off the wall, with calls from both North American, and overseas, news agencies. Capt. Bill Bleyle of the Manlius Police Department has said "We've had a huge number of calls on him. It's been continuous. We're getting contacted internationally. It's just been a plethora, numerous news organizations from the U.S. and Canada." So how exactly did all this brouhaha get started?? The evening stared innocently enough with two friends, Christine Benedicto - Page's unpredictable girlfriend, and her bosom bud, the more level headed Stephanie Ford, heading out for a night of drinking and high spirited hi jinx at a favourite watering hole, Mulligan's - formerly The Ole Lamppost. It was about 10 PM. Page's girlfriend sounds like she's 'no lady' At about 11 PM, Page shows up, and that's when the scene started hoping. Ms Benedicto started flirting with other guys. Page took this bad and soon they had a huge fight. That took all of 30 mins to transpire. Page had enough, and went back to Benedicto's apartment, which she shared with Ford. Ford tagged along, to make sure that the slightly inebriated Page was OK. Back at Apartment 1, 311 E. Genesee St Page declared that he was going back to Canada. Ford said that she didn't think it was a good idea. The young woman doesn't have anything in particular against Canada, she just felt that page was too drunk to drive. At some point Page plopped himself down on the lawn, and Ford sat on him, to make sure that he didn't do anything rash. Baby you can drive my car At this point the head strong Ms Benedicto shows up. She immediately begins hollering. Seems she felt that her friend, Ms Ford, was taking Page's side against hers, and she wasn't happy about that. Well some where between the jigs and the reels, Benedicto got her hands on Page's car keys, and speed away into the night. She left her own car parked haphazardly in the driveway, and partly jutting out into the street. Page and Ford then made their way into the apartment. Once in the kitchen, Page produced a bottle full of white capsules, and marked 'Calcium'. After breaking one open on the table, Page rolled up a Canadian bill, and started snorting. Ford claims that she wanted not part of this, and never asked the singer what that suspicious powder really was. This brings us to 2 AM, the following morning. Benedicto's slopping parking had attracted the attention of local authorities. As stated, it was protruding out into the street, and the driver's door was still open. While Manlius police officers were snooping around the driveway, they noticed that something was cookin' in the kitchen. That lead to a knock on the door, and an invitation in from the amenable Ms Ford. Though the initially intended to ask about the car, they couldn't help noticing he presence of cocaine on the premises, or a - "plain-view discovery of illegal activity". Using basic, but effective investigation techniques, one of the officers asked Page if the powder was really calcium, because he told page "I think that might be cocaine". Steve fessed up, and the rest is history. The bottle contained 0.314 ounces, not including what Page had snorted, or the two unused capsules in his pocket. Page was arrested, and taken of f for a mugshot, and subsequent media maelstrom. Ford got hauled off too, for marijuana possession. At first the cops thought that they had merely bagged themselves a couple of free wheeling hippies. When the phones started ringing off the wall, the quickly discovered the rest of the story. The upshot of this is that the Manlius Police Dept has gotten a crash course in media relations. The 3 amigos got their mug shots splattered around far and wide on the Internet. Stephen Page has gotten himself a sharp American lawyer, Mark Mahoney (he's already off to a better start than Conrad Black!). Mr Mahoney has already briefed the ravenous hordes of up state New York reporters, with the usual 'no comment'. At least he knows the basics of handling a hot potato. Entertainment columnists have responded with a unanimous "how could he?", as if it were the first time they'd ever heard of 'musician' and 'cocaine' in the same sentence. Bless their innocent little hearts. As for the Bare Naked Ladies, I wouldn't worry. They're no strangers to controversy. Their careers started as local Toronto buskers who got in shit for using Speaker's Corner to promote their band. At one point a former mayor took objection to their name - so they offered to perform as 'fully clothed men'. So it looks like they can weather the storm. They have bowed out of a upcoming engagement on behalf of Disney. The band has stated that they don't want to put the corporation in a bad position. I wouldn't worry about Disney either. If they've survived Lindsay Lohan, I think that they can takes this too. Not that I'm implying that this is getting blown way out of proportion. They good people at Syracuse.com have already said that - "If anybody from Toronto could see these postings...and how much attention the PS has given this story, they would think we were a bunch of hicks with nothing better to focus on".

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Isn't It a Pity

AgentOrange — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:03:08 GMT

http://ca.yahoo.com/s/665624 It's been a bad few days for rock and roll. First Rolling Stone Ron Wood falls off the wagon, and runs away with an 18 year old Russian bar maid. It must be said that though the girl says she's 18, in most photos she could pass for 12. Well Ronald has managed to find his way back on the straight and narrow, at least as far as rehab. However no sooner did that story resolve it's self, then another musician hit the headlines. Namely Steven Page of the Bare Naked Ladies. It seems that Steven was in up state New York - Fayetteville, just outside of Syracuse to be precise. At about 2 AM he was entertaining a couple of lady friends: 25 year old Stephanie Ford and 27-year-old Christine Benedicto, when the some of New York's finest decided to stop by for a friendly visit. Everyone was in high spirits, and the boys in blue couldn't help noticing some suspicious white powder in a pill bottle marked 'calcium tablets'. The questioned Page about it, and he replied some thing to the effect of "Yeah, it's cocaine". At least that's what the arrest reports claim he said. Though widely enjoyed in the great State of New York, Columbia's Export A is still illegal, and since Page was foolish honest enough to fess up, that meant a trip back to HQ, and booking. After the requisite paper worked was completed, with great care being taken to dot the i's and cross the t's, Page was then released on $10 000 bond. Upon their leader's release, BNL Inc was quick to spin into damage control mode. A statement on the band's website said that Page planned to heartily contest the matter in court. I would have thought that an on scene confession made to a police officer would have been a slam dunk lead pipe cinch - not to over use those figures of speech. However this is the same judicial system that sprung OJ Simpson, and let a coked out, boozed up Lindsay Lohan loose time and time again, to continue re offending (They did eventually catch up with celebu-skank Paris Hilton, so give the law some credit). So who's to say what Mr Page's chances in court might be. You dint' know until you try. All this in and of it's self is no big deal. So a musician did some coke - "stop the presses!" It's practically de rigueur in their lifestyle. However the fallout could be a big deal. The piranhas smell blood in the water, and are already gathering for their feeding frenzy. For instance gossip maven Lainey, the high end of Canadian scuttle butt (we're the other end), has started revealing which of her recent blind items were Page related. That reveals an unflattering story of the SP's recent personal life. For instance one of the young women Page was arrested with, Christine Benedicto, may be a woman that he supposedly met online, and then allegedly left his wife and kids for. Whether she ruined the suspected singer's supposed marriage isn't clear. Let's say that it's a chicken and egg thing. Lainey goes on to say that Page has an 'Internet black-book' of fan hook ups. What's more, Page is apparently trying to talk his wife into liquidating their assets, so that he can drop her cheap. Lainey says some other things too, but I like to keep the vulgarity here to a minimum (who am I fucking kidding??). So the upshot is that poor Steve's name is mud, and for a failing that, though wrong, is something that Bill Clinton was eventually forgiven for, and only got Ron Wood knowing winks and concerned looks. Page might have greater claim to musicianship than Wood, since the BNL front man contributes to the writing of the group's lyrically clever songs. I am not aware of any significant contribution that Wood has made to the Stone's songwriting. Show business has a away of messing with people's heads. The late Heath Ledger being a case in point. So the cynical among us might ask "What took Page so long to screw up?" Well he's been busy over the past 10 to 15 years, as one of Canada's musical ambassadors. He's also managed to give Canada a slightly higher profile, and in a way that up till now, we could be proud of. Keep your chin up, Steven. Wondertrash Bogus Zen: “I make believe and make movies. I entertain people and get paid for it. Sometimes it seems like such a shallow existence. How insignificant in the scheme of life.” -Halle Berry waxing existential

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Cold Comfort and Hot Love

AgentOrange — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:05:29 GMT

Hollywood is a land of euphemisms. It goes hand in hand with the general unreality of the place. For instance when critics described Catherine Zeta Jones in Zorro 2 as 'matronly', they meant 'passed it'. When an actor is 'reviewing their options', it means that they don't have any. When some one is suffering from 'dehydration' they've been on the booze (Hollywood has rediscovered cocktail hour with a vengeance!). When they're suffering from exhaustion, then they're 'really, really fucked up'. When some one is a 'free spirit',it means that they're an addict. At least that's what it meant in the case of Lee Grivas. He was found on July 1st, in his Hollywood apartment, face down on top of a needle. He was dead. Lee was a few other things too. He was a fisherman, a skateboarder, and an aspiring photographer. Perhaps the most notable role that he played was as Christina Applegate's boyfriend. They'd had an on again off again relationship. Her acting and his dope seemed to be bones of contention for them. For instance Lee had been through rehab a couple of times, at Christina's insistence. It was the kind of insistence that usually comes with an 'or else'. They had their bust ups, but usually found their way back together. Maybe they had nothing better going on. That changed for Applegate when she landed the lead role in a new TV series called "Who's Samantha". It's about a 30 year old amnesiac who has to go through a process of personal rediscovery - you can't make this shit up, can you. While Samantha was rediscovering her personal relationships on TV, Christina was re evaluating hers, back in 'real life'. She decided that a lay around drug addict was gonna be a drag on her career. He didn't even have 'accesory value'. So she cut him loose. Lee went off to work on a fishing boat for a couple of weeks, to clear his head. Upon his return to LA, he went on a massive and fatal drug bender. Now friends say that Christina is genuinely broken up by Grivas death. She phoned up some friends in hysterics talking about how much she loved him and how much she had tried to save him, and how she had failed. Casual listeners might have been unsure whom the conversation was really about, given the sheer number of I's my's, me's and mine's that worked their way into the conversation. The skeptical among us will remember that it's a professional actress talking, and so this conversation, like every other that she engages in, must be about her. We should give Christina some credit though. Her friends describe her grief as 'heart wrenching'. Perhaps that's why she's felt the need to find comfort in a new boyfriend. That lucky fellow is a 39 year old gap toothed, bass playing Dutchman named Martyn Lenoble. The guy must be working some magic too, because the couple have been seen up and down the LA area kissing and slobbering over one another. Why the pair were even spotted on a shopping expedition, where Christina dropped a bundle at the Guitar Center Music Store. Martyn has even been spotted driving Applegate's black Lexus - so you know that it's serious. Now all this gallivanting took place on July 5th, approximately the same time as the funeral of the poor wretch that she was supposedly so in love with. It's tempting to remark that the grieving girlfriend didn't stay in character very long - that's one of Applegate's many failings as an actress. Still, there are no people like show people, they smile when they are low - & the show gotta go on. What a little trooper that Christina is! Now for a little summer eye candy, it's lovely Aishwarya Rai as Wonder Woman! Wondertrash Bogus Zen: "This is the measure of a human being: how we treat the people who love us and the people that we love" - words of wonder and wisdom from Lynda Carter "Embrace the conspiracy nuts because if not for them the mind would not be open to what could possibly be true, but probably isn't."~

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Meggers is Preggers?

AgentOrange — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 23:11:33 GMT

That last time we heard from Megan Fox, she had given Brian Austin Green his marching orders. She claimed that she was too young for a commitment. Cynics suspected that she now felt she was too big a star for him, and was ready to move on, Jessica Simpson style. Mr Green meanwhile, was insisting that everything was copacetic. They had their names tattooed on each others' private parts, and had even invested in a pot bellied pig. Now the pot bellied pig is the Hummer of Hollywood pets, and as such is a major sign of commitment. Some of the suspicious minded among us responded to these mixed messages by asking themselves "What does he have on her?" Here's a post that I myself made on the GossipRocks message board (you know that it's me because of the eye catching Diana Prince avatar!): Rumour has it that blackmail is what's keeping them together. After their announced break up, some stories started circulating that he was holding an abortion she'd had a year or so ago over her head. Now they're all comfy cozy again. If the abortion story is what was leaked, then you can guess that the truth is probably ten times worse (left her unborn baby in the toilet so she could go to the prom/audition/modeling job type thing?). Something similar is believed to have happened with Jessica Alba and Cash Warren. She dumped him while promoting her Fantastic Four 2 movie. She was in Europe and did it by phone (I guess she felt braver doing it that way). She even had her assistant come over, bag up Warren's things, and leave them on the curb. Then stories started circulating that she had herpes, and that she'd got it from Derek Jeters (who picked it up from Britney Spears, Alyssa Milano, or any one of a hundred show biz tramps - Milano is supposedly the one who gave it to Federline, though whether he then passed it to Spears, or she already had it, is unknown). The plot thickened when it was revealed that good old Warren was the one who picked up her Valtrex prescriptions for her. Soon she was pregnant and they were married. Ever since Tom Cruise tripped off the couch on Oprah's show, everyone in Follywood is good and scared. For awhile it looked like the public wouldn't be shocked by the stars personal lives, and were sophisticated enough to know the difference between an image and reality. Now they've seen how easily even a top star can get screwed up, so we're back to the days of Hedda Hopper, when celebrities lived in fear that their adoring fans might some how find out what sort of people they really are. Don't be surprised if Meggers winds up preggers, and married to BAG soon. She's signed up all the way to Transformers 3 - so Green would be mad to let that kind of money & status walk out the front door! The very next post on the thread was a link to a story that Meggers was preggers by her longtime guy BAG, that she was moving in, and marriage was being contemplated. The source is DamnImCute.com, andthat post read as follows: WOAH! Megan Fox is going to be one hot milf. You know how we all thought she and Brian Austin Green AKA old fart were going to break up? Well, the only reason why they didn’t is because rumor has it that she is PREGNANT. No wonder we haven’t seen her around…that explains her being persistent on moving in with the old fart and getting married to him. So she took some pregnancy test and immediately contacted her best friend in Port St. Lucie, Florida that she was having a baby. The reports also claim that there may or may not be an abortion because she’s not ready for the baby even though Green is. I guess we’ll have to wait for an update on this. It's like I said, pot bellied pigs never lie. Not in Follywood at least. At least Tinseltown has finally taught us something about modern romance: Love is never having to say "Or else". Wondertrash Bogus Zen: We all have a common enemy, which is human nature itself. It's an inconvienent truth, just ask Al Gore.

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Family Fued

AgentOrange — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:45:10 GMT

http://www.watch-movies.net/movies/the_matrix_reloaded/ 'Every ounce of talent you have, you have sucked dry from me and the people around you. I certainly never worked for you for the money, now you accuse me of lying and cheating you. You've got some nerve.' 'You have lost all sense of reality.' 'Over the years, my sister’s sense of loyalty and fairness has clearly been eroded by the adulation, the applause and the sense of entitlement.' 'I gave up my life to help make you the evil queen you are today. Fifteen years listening to your bitching, egotistical rantings, mediocre talent and a lack of taste that would stun the ages.' These are some of the startling words that Christopher Ciccone has directed towards his famous sister Madonna. Now according to the exerpt from his book Life With My Sister Madonna, as reprinted in the Daily Mail - the two have been at it ever since they were kids playing Monopoly - how many families has that wreched game torn apart? - and she wouldn't let him by Park Place. "It's mine!" a bossy 10 yaer old Madonna would insist. Christopher would back down and let her have her way - the habit of a life time.

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Rock'n'Roll Meets Rock Bottom

AgentOrange — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 04:48:50 GMT

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1034293/Rolling-Stone-Ronnie-Wood-61-runs-away-18-year-old-Russian-cocktail-waitress.html Rehab is for quitters, rock bottom is for the rest? There has been a lot of talk about Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood and his 18 year old companion, Russian 'waitress' Ekaterina Ivanova. Ekaterina is the gal Woodie picked up in a sleazy escort bar, in Soho. It was 4 Am when they met, and Woodie was smashed out of his head. Naturally, being drunk out of his mind, running away to Ireland with her seemed like a good idea at the time. That's what started all the tongues wagging. One of the most active tongues belongs to Ms Ivanova herself. She's telling anyone who will listen that Ron is leaving his wife of 23 years, Jo Wood, for her. She also claims that Jo is begging her not to steal her husband. Jo, and Ron's friends, have a different story. They say that this is just the latest in a long line of alcoholic misadventures, on the part of a man who regularly downs 2 or 3 bottles of vodka a day, not to mention more than his fair share of Guinness (At one point a doctor gave Wood 6 months to live). One of Ron's closest friends says that it's just a drinking thing. In his words "Ron isn't even very interested in sex." In fact it's said that Ron, who has a 28 inch waste, doesn't even like to eat much, and just drinks. That's not unusual for alcoholics. He goes on "Ronnie hasn't had a bunk up in ten years". Now Ron is 61, and in far from mint condition. SO that has lead to some speculation as to whether a 61 year old party animal is even capable of having erections. Well that's one question that Wondertrash can answer! Apparently Hugh Hefner is still capable of getting his equipment in to the firing position, although it's not a pretty picture, & takes some tricky timing. According to 'reformed Bunny' Izabella St. James, in her book Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion (the most gripping entertainment autobiography since Vanna White's!) every Thursday night, regular as clockwork, Hef and his burly bodyguards would herd the Bunny's out to one of the local bars for an evening of living it up and showing off. Before leaving the mansion, Hef would pop his Viagra, then it was off to the bar. While the Bunny's cavorted playfully, and teased the local studs, Hugh would keep a careful eye on his watch. When 'sexy time' arrived, the bunnies were rounded up by security, and hustled back to the mansion. This had to go off with out a hitch, since if Hef blew the timing, he'd miss his erection! Once back at home base, Hugh would turn on some porno, to get himself in the mood. The bunnies would then line up, so that they might each have a 'nibble at the carrot'. After that it was back to the porno, and self abuse, until Hef reached climax, often accompanied by shouts like "Oh My God". I had always imagined that life at the Playboy mansion was more glamorous. Oh yeah, and the rugs stink of dog shit, from one of Hef's previous girlfriends (To be clear, it was the girlfriend's dogs that soiled the rugs, and not the girlfriend herself). So we know that lust after 60 is possible, though not always pretty. Although with Ronnie, booze any time is much more likely. A March 2004 bender with Kate Moss left him under the table and biting people's ankles (I've seen photos of a wasted Mary Kate Olsen doing the same thing to female strippers during one of her sprees!), and then onto London rehab the Priory, scene of Moss' ex Pete Doherty's failed attempt at sobriety (She must single handedly keep that joint in business, with the trail of human wreckage she leaves in her wake!). In fact Woodie seems committed to alcoholism as a way of life, even saying to one friend "The thing is, I don't want to end up being a boring b*****d like Clapton". So whether Woodie is nailing Miss Ivanova 24/7, or merely biting her ankles, one guess might be a safe bet: if he doesn't straighten up soon, his rock bottom is gonna be 6 ft under.

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Nasty People - yet more celebrity racism!

AgentOrange — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:26:22 GMT

Charlie Sheen's mouth is in motion before his brain is in gear - again More bad news from Charlie Sleaze Sheen. It seems that another voice mail for ex wife Denise Richards, in which a racist epithet was used, has surfaced. A 2005 audio tape was recently released over the Internet, in which Charlie told Denise "You are a coward and a liar". He then went on to refer to Denise with a certain "N word", which will not be printed here. However it's use in this case is puzzling, as well as offensive, since Denise is white. Celebrity Personality Disorder Now even his friends are beginning to come forward, saying that this is par of the course where Charlie is concerned. "I can't tell you how many times I've seen people look on in horror as Charlie goes off on a rant using hateful words" says one long time friend quoted in this week's National Enquirer! Another friend says that Charlie often uses hateful words when referring to women and Jews. "He can come off like an ignorant racist" another friend comments. You're Daddy is a bad, bad man I can explain, and even if I can't explain, I can apologize Now not everyone condemns Chuck over this. Charlie's best bud is Afro American actor Tony Todd. The two starred together in Platoon together. Tony says that Charlie immediately called him up, when the tapes were released, to apologize profusely. Tony then went on to say that he told Sheen it was no big deal, because he knows that his friend didn't mean anything by it. Says Todd "I'm black, but I wasn't insulted by Charlie's remark. He used the N word in the traditional context. It's what you call an ignorant person. Denise was being ignorant in the way she treated Charlie, and she deserved to be called that." We might all hope to have such understanding friends. Besides, it's a 3 year old tape, and I'm sure that Charlie has grown immensely as a person since then. Still, we might all feel better if he'd called her a whore. Diagnosis: Verbal Diarrhea However not everyone is willing to give the Chuckster a free pass on his rant. Dr Jay Carter, a pro shrink, and author of the book "Nasty People", says that "Charlie Sheen lacks a conscience and seems never to have been taught boundaries. He needs to learn how to establish a code of ethical behavior that is not hurtful to others". Another pro head shrinker, Dr Jamie Turndorf, a NYC couples therapist, says that "Sheen is using his mouth as a battering ram. In my opinion he is suffering from an impulse disorder in which he censor button doesn't work". She continues, "He likes dumping on other people," and then, reflecting on the possibility of him ever seeking treatment, "Why would he pay someone else to take away his pleasure?" The Sheen Files - Sorry, Charlie Now the plot thickens. It appears that Chucky has been 'verbally irresponsible' on plenty of other occasions. In fact one of Denise's friends has come forward claiming that Richards has "about 50" such tapes. So brace yourself because it seems like there's plenty more where that came from, and I bet she's not afraid to use them either. Charlie better start polishing up his apology routine. I just hope, for the sake of what's left of his career, that he's a better actor than he appears on "2 1/2 Men". Even if worst does come to worst, he can always join Peter Cook, Michael Richards, and Mel Gibson for golf. Maybe a "Think First" tattoo from Kat Von D might be in order?? Did I leave anyone out? Oh yeah, Dog the Bounty Hunter (Though Dog insists he only used such awful language because he thought that he was cool enough to get away with it - just like Ted Danson at the Friar's Cub. Silly bastards!). Then again his career was basically over anyway. Prime time is where movie stars go to die.

[Read full story on The Insider]