Dotspotter: Contributed by carnitas

Go 'Head Pop A Cap: Hope You Had A Happy Motherfuckers Day

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Caption Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as they frolic about with Heidi's mother in this completely spontaneous, unstaged photo op.

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Marche Taylor Learns That Trashy Prom Dresses Lead To Handcuffs

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 19:15:00 GMT

Marche Taylor is a high school senior who just wanted to wear her beautiful, gold-colored booby dress to prom but was banned from attending because some people are simply incapable of understanding fashion: She was told her custom-made dress violated the school dress code. “She shook her head, she was like ‘you are not getting into this prom,’” said Taylor. “We were arguing back and forth because I wanted to know why I can’t get into my prom.” Even after offering to provide more cover, Taylor was denied access to the final soiree of the school year. At that point, Taylor said she was furious. She said if she couldn’t get in, she wanted her...

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Watchando: Is Annoyed

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 18:15:00 GMT

Robyn's new single "Konichiwa Bitches" annoys us worse then leotard chafe and we'll share why. 1) We hate the term "bitches," 2) this sounds exactly like Missy Elliot's "Work It" and 3) Robyn mentions Hong Kong, Saigon and Beijing in her song, although none of those places happen to be in Japan. So, ugh. Kim Cattrall's mother is proud of her daughter's nude scenes. We're proud of the fact that we won't spend upwards of eleven dollars to see Kim Cattrall's nude scenes. [Contact Music] Hugh Hefner wouldn't mind having Miley Cyrus pose for Playboy when she's legal. He probably wouldn't mind if she'd change his colostomy bag around then, too. [The Sun] Lindsay Lohan got into a fight with...

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Audrina Partridge And Her Freaky Upward-Looking Eyes Will Star In Into The Blue 2

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:30:00 GMT

"The Hills'" Audrina Partridge is set to star in the sequel to Jessica Alba's stupid movie, Into the Blue 2: -Electric Boogaloo-. She plays a young, ambitious lab assistant who accidentally discovers the cure for AIDS: Patridge plays a no-nonsense, beautiful beach babe whose boyfriend caters to her every command, according to the Hollywood Reporter.Kidding. The role is "giving me the chance to show people [what I can do]," Patridge, who recently canned her agent for not getting her enough gigs, told Ryan Seacrest on May 8. "This is why I moved to L.A." What is why you moved to L.A.? To unconvincingly read off cue cards? Or to partake in embarrassing photo shoots dressed like a preteen circa...

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Lunch! The New York Times Eats Cuy

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 16:45:00 GMT

Sometimes cultural sensitivity is just not warranted. Like in the case of Peruvians eating guinea pig. (Hoo! Can't wait for the irate Peruvians to come out of the woodwork for that one.) Still, in this video, touchy-feely, liberal New York Times City Room editor Corey Kilgannon goes to Queens to dine on the beloved rodent. Because, hey, what do dumb Americans know about eating rats? Nothing! And we like it that way. Enjoy the video and listen closely for the eeks. Aww, What Cute Little Paws and Ears! (Tastes Like Chicken) [New York Times] Earlier: It’s Time We Faced It: They Eat Guinea Pig In Peru

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"Viva Hollywood": We Totally Have A Charo Alarm, Don't You?

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 16:00:00 GMT

We had to post this "Viva Hollywood" clip featuring Charo as the human alarm clock. Ordinarily her camp is endearing, but there's something about it in this context that makes us weep for humanity. By the way, is that song saying, "Hot! Shit!"?

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Human Giant Shows Us Piñatas Have Feelings / Murderous Impulses Too

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:15:00 GMT

mtv.thehumangiant.com We often find ourselves at social gatherings where a person will joyously suggest we partake in a bit of the ol' piñata bashing, much to the delight (This is, actually, a lie. We are frightened of piñatas and have refused to be anywhere near one since we were seven.) of fellow partygoers. But, gentle partyers, do we ever pause to reflect on the damage we impart through our gluttonous need for candies nestled deep within the bowels of a rainbow-colored beast? Perhaps this video will make you re-think all that.

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Lindsay Lohan's Leggings Look Like L'Caca

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Former actress Lindsay Lohan and a couple of hunch-backs posed in L.A. to promote her new line of leggings, "Utter Crap by Lindsay Lohan." ...And this is all just too easy. Bright red lipstick with heavy eyeshadow and platinum blonde extensions? Dead-eyed pose with mouth ajar? Fucking leggings with built-in knee pads? Unless she's posing for a coffee table book on fashion don'ts or is researching a role for "The Kitten Lombardi Story: Long Island Housewife By Day, Big City Hooker By Night," its no fun to mock someone who has become, basically, a walking punchline. Ho Leggings [Dlisted]

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Jenna Bush Is Married

carnitas — Mon, 12 May 2008 13:45:00 GMT

First Daughter Jenna "Twinkle" Bush got married to Henry Hager this past weekend at Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas. She wore her dad's face and a lace wedding gown designed by Oscar de la Renta. Vows were exchanged outdoors in front of a huge stone cross and, later, guests enjoyed a reception under lighted tents. The whole thing was done rather tastefully, we feel, with nary a soul performing a keg stand while belching the University of Texas fight song. Now, enjoy an additional picture or four after the jump. Congratulations, Jenna!: In keeping with the casual setting of the wedding, President George Bush and the First Daughter switched outfits long enough to take an amusing...

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This Week "Viva Hollywood" Proves It's Possible To Cringe For A Whole Hour

carnitas — Sun, 11 May 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Warning: Watching the above clip from "Viva Hollywood" made us hit ourselves in the face repeatedly with the remote control and then set our roommate on fire using only Kahlúa and a bong. You may want to watch with your hand over your eyes. On this week's episode of every Latino's favorite show "Viva Hollywood," Walter Mercado challenged the remaining seven contestants to perform a musical telenovela scene. (Cop Rock, anyone?) According to co-host Carlos Ponce, "the musical telenovela is a huge and growing genre in the business." Is this true, or is he just talking about Rebelde? Of course, before the competition even began, there was plenty of drama in the Casa when Sylvia had to...

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Happy Mother's Day: Let's All Get Up And Dance To A Song That Was A Hit Before Your Mother Was Born

carnitas — Sun, 11 May 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Our mothers taught us well. Now, this is how pop stars should dance.

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The Joys Of Motherhood: Chahlay Bit May!

carnitas — Sun, 11 May 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Just when we think nothing in the world could make us want to have kids, along comes a video of an awesome baby who bites fingers and his big brother who speaks with an English accent. "Chahlay bit may!" Come over here, Charlie. We have some people for you to bite, too. Yay! Oh, and happy Mother's Day, everybody.

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Emilio Navaira Update: This Is The Third Time Emilio Has Been Caught Driving Drunk, Second DWI Accident

carnitas — Sun, 11 May 2008 01:30:00 GMT

It's been confirmed that Tejano superstar Emilio Navairo, who almost killed himself and the rest of his band during a bus crash on Easter Sunday, had more than twice the blood alcohol level allowed to legally operate a car (let alone a bus) in the state of Texas. A report made public on Thursday said the singer's alcohol level was 1.9, while the legal limit in Texas is 0.08. This makes the third time the singer has been caught driving drunk, with one incident in 2005 allegedly resulting in a previous drunk driving accident. But even after the two prior arrests, Navaira wasn't required to use a breath analyzer to drive because he told to the state in an affidavit that he doesn't own a car....

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American Idol Gives Jeff Archuleta The Hand

carnitas — Sat, 10 May 2008 13:35:00 GMT

Jeff Archuleta, evil stage dad of our adorable little chuletito David Archuleta, has been banned from rehearsals, etc for American Idol. This could be the show's attempt at a telenovela plot line to ensure record-breaking ratings during its final days, but it also might be due to the fact that Jeff Archuleta is a well-documented control freak. We know. Let's ask TMZ: "Idol" sources tell TMZ Jeff has been a complete pain in the ass, interfering with the entire production. He has badgered producers, the band, vocal coaches and even other contestants. The final straw came this week, when Jeff wanted to change the lyrics to David's first song, "Stand By Me." Jeff insisted on adding a verse from...

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After Losing Their Children In An Accident, Lori And Chris Coble Welcome Triplets

carnitas — Fri, 09 May 2008 22:20:00 GMT

The Cobble Triplets Uploaded by guanabee After losing their three young children in a car accident involving a big-rig, Lori and Chris Coble have welcomed a set of triplets. Ashley, Ellie and Jake were delivered via C-Section and babies and mom are all doing well. Since the accident, the Cobles have been advocates of implementing set shifts for truckers to make driving safer. We love stories with happy(ish) endings. Triplets Born Wednesday Night [CBS]

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This Chihuahua Thing Is Getting Out Of Hand

carnitas — Fri, 09 May 2008 22:15:00 GMT

Spotted: A graphic wild posting featuring a chihuahua and the word, "HEEL" on it on the corner of 2nd and B in Manhattan's East Village. Could this be a teaser campaign for Disney's new animated monstrosity? Truth and time tell all.

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Ed Graziano Speaks About Nick Hogan's Sentence

carnitas — Fri, 09 May 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Ed Graziano, father of the boy who was wounded in Nick Hogan/Bollea/Bologna Hoagie's car crash, has spoken out about this son's state and Nick's lack of remorse: Ed Graziano, father of John Graziano, then made an emotional statement to the court: “John was my first born son, and the first chance to carry on my family name.” Describing the day before the accident, he said John “was healthy, he was safe, and he was strong. He was a hero. He was a United States Marine. He was willing to put his life in harm’s way to protect his country’s freedom, [but] what Al Queda could not do to my son, Nick did to my son in minutes.”Um... Now it is questionable whether...

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Michelle And Jim Bob Duggar's Special Announcement

carnitas — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Here are Jim Bob (We... do not judge?) and Michelle Duggar announcing the birth of baby # 64.3 in their own words. Or in Jim Bob's own words (We judge.) , with Michelle nodding dutifully. Just as the good Lord intended. Um. They seem... sweet. Earlier: Happy Mother's Day, Michelle Duggar! You Make Our Vagina Hurt

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Penis-Massaging Shorts Never Get Headaches

carnitas — Fri, 09 May 2008 20:45:00 GMT

These "massage pants" from Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Co., Ltd. have a built-in vibration feature as well as temperature control. Nifty! They allow the wearer to choose from various types of massage, presumably everything from taint tickles to ball busting, or to elect a twenty-minute automatic setting so -I- a theoretical person can finish her work in peace without being asked for a for a favor. And, the best part? A minimum order is 500 units. That's enough for all your friends and family! Happy Mother's Day! Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Co., Ltd [Trade Key]

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Jessica Alba Challenges You To A Staring Contest

carnitas — Fri, 09 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Jessica Alba will stare your ass down while some annoying song plays in the background and you. Will. Like it! She's created a stare-off as part of her fiancé Cash Warren's site, IBeatYou.com which allows people to waste time on the internet when they're not downloading pony porn or reading Guanabee. Jessica Alba Competes in Online Staring Contest [People] Earlier: Jessica Alba Supports Cash Warren In... Whatever It Is That He Does

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