The Insider: Contributed by fatback

Megan Fox Is An All-Star

fatback — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 13:32:18 GMT

This is Megan Fox wearing a Star Wars T-shirt to the Fox All Star Party. Which I assumed was about baseball, but they might have just thrown the party to get Megan Fox to show up in this shirt. I think it goes without saying that Megan Fox is the hottest chick in the universe, but I’m skeptical about the t-shirt. Lots of girls these days are wearing vintage tees like Mr. T: I pity the fool, or Knight Rider: KITT, or Magnum PI, TC - the only black guy in Hawaii, etc but rarely do they have a clue as to what it really means. [ed note: I once asked a girl at USC if she knew who the guy on her t-shirt (Che Guevarra) was and she said, "Doesn't he write for that website?" Yes, honey. Yes, he sure does.] If Megan Fox is really Star Wars fan then I think my penis just exploded and I hear wedding bells. More Posts Like This Awesome Kittycat. Megan Fox kinda naked but not. Megan Fox is Officially hotter than your girlfriend Megan Fox in “Jack” Magazine?!? Appropriately Titled.

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Kristin Chenoweth Seems Nice

fatback — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:23:38 GMT

This is Kristin Chenoweth at the zoo. Or at a movie opening at the zoo. Or at a movie opening about monkeys. I’m not sure because research is my kryptonite. I do know that her tits are awesome and they’re all kinds of hanging out, which makes her the best actress ever. I’m thinking she gets an Oscar fo rher performance in the monkey movie. Ok. Yeah. So I just found out she’s doing a voice and the film Space Chimps is animated. And well monkeys may be close to humans but monkey tits aren’t really that great. Trust me. And to the nosy zookeeper at the Columbia Zoo, you should just mind your own beeswax next time. More Posts Like This Law & Order Creator Wants His Money I Said God Damn Sinead Noonan is Irish KABANG Ashlee Simpson! KABANG!

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Allie Brings Christmas In July

fatback — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:31:05 GMT

Merry Christmas in July! I don’t know who came up with that concept but I bet that person was probably addicted to internet porn. Speaking of. This chick’s name is Allie and at first glance, I thought she was this chick I went to high school with in Myrtle Beach. Upon further investigation it turns out she’s not a naughty amateur with a camera happy boyfriend. She’s a fucking pro. This chick is literally down for anything. You can see more of her here. And by more, I mean you’d better bring towel and an appetite. More Posts Like This Law & Order Creator Wants His Money I Said God Damn Sinead Noonan is Irish KABANG Ashlee Simpson! KABANG!

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Law & Order Creator Wants His Money

fatback — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:46:38 GMT

Bong. Bong. Dick Wolf, the creator of the ubiquitous Law & Order series, thinks he might have been short changed by NBC, the network that airs all the new episodes. “Law and Order” super-producer Dick Wolf and NBC Universal are battling over the profits from the crime procedurals that have helped defined the genre for 19 years, the Wall Street Journal reports. This year, Wolf engaged in two legal battles over his creations’ revenue and friends of his say the producer thinks he has been cheated by NBC, the Journal says. (TV Week) NBC of course, says that Dick Wolf is a greedy bastard. And well, with 3 full time series airing new episodes this fall on NBC and all three in syndication on every single cable channel (You can find an episode of L&O on at any hour of any day ever these days) they might have a point. So why the old pics of Alicia Witt (who stars in L&O Criminal Intent) from a few years back? Because aside from our dedication to bringing you the most accurate entertainment news available, we also like chicks with big tits. Especially chicks who let their big tits hang out and have a penchant for watching porn. More Posts Like This I Said God Damn KABANG Ashlee Simpson! Minka Kelly is Dating Topher Grace. Maybe. Thank God It’s Over God. Damn. Christina Aguilera.

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I Said God Damn

fatback — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:05:21 GMT

God. Damn. Jessica Alba somehow managed to get hotter two months after having her baby girl Honor Marie. There’s just something better about her. I can’t put my finger on it. Also, her baby just got paid. TMZ has learned Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine. We’re hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other “event” — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved. (TMZ) I guess you could look at it as a nice college fund, although that baby girl will never see a day of strife in her privileged, genetically superior life. My mom started a college fund for me when I was baby. Well actually she just stuck a pack of Kool’s in my Huggies Pull-ups and forgot about them. Eventually, I learned how to go potty by myself and she found them again. “Good times”, she said, “set for the day.” More Posts Like This KABANG Ashlee Simpson! Jessica Alba Can Go Back To The Gym Now KABANG! Jessica Alba is different Jessica Alba is goofy

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Not Fair!

fatback — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:44:50 GMT

Why do jailbait celebrities like JoJo insist on dressing up like grownups and confusing the shit out of me? JoJo is like 13 right? This outfit and that body are not for teenagers. I have enough trouble trying to keep Dateline NBC from showing up at my house without this shit. JoJo is extremely cute and looks like she’d date black guys (which is a plus if you’re a stud like me!) but she needs to keep that shit under wraps for a few more years so I don’t have to worry about surrendering my hard drives to authorities or what’s going to happen to my immortal soul if I keep doing the things I do to pictures like this. UPDATE: Phew! Normally I don’t do this, but I checked Wikipedia (who’s always truthin’ like a muhfukka) and they say JoJo is 17 (she turns 18 this Christmas), so technically she’s not jail bait. In my home state of South Carolina, she’s practically an old maid. Hag. More Posts Like This Jaime Lynn Spears Has A Stalker Hey daddy, got milk?

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Anne Hathaway is Doing Fine

fatback — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:59:44 GMT

Whew! I was actually worried there for a second. But apparantly Anne Hathaway is getting on just fine after ratting out her con-man boyfriend to the FBI and International Authorties. ”This was a guy Anne was on the verge of marrying,” her college chum told me Monday night. ”They were literally days from announcing their engagement.” Friends of the actress were very concerned the revelations about Follieri — and the embarrassing publicity they heaped on Hathaway — might trigger another episode of depression, something Hathaway admitted plagued her during her teen years. ”But after basically not leaving her bed for three days, crying constantly and eating nothing except tea and toast, Anne pulled herself together,” her friend said. (Sun Times) The only thing worse than a red hot chick ratting you out, is a red hot chick ratting you out then sleeping with a devlishly handsome southern blogger with deep green eyes and jungle fighter’s physique. Call me, Anne! Random Hotness Wanna See Eva Mendes Naked? Dannielynn is about to get PAID Jessica Simpson’s Agent Hates Her K-Fed, Super Dad Alyssa Milano is a Hairy Beast

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Gillian Anderson Wants to Believe, Again

fatback — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:07:18 GMT

Gillian Anderson is back as Agent Dana Scully in the X-Files sequel X-Files: I Want to Believe. You may not have heard that it was coming out because Fox has done ZERO marketing for the film even though it’s slated to open on July 25th. Fox has released an X-Files companion DVD set that brings the n00bs up to speed for the 9 years of the X-Files series on Fox TV and the X-Files movie. I can hear nerds everywhere groaning at the sunlight coming in fron the basement door. This is how you do it, and it’s, well, spooky-brilliant. Just like Agent Fox “Spooky” Mulder. Subtitled “Essential Guide to the X-Files Movies: 8 Critical Episodes Handpicked by the Series Creator,” these are Chris Carter’s choices for creating the baseline newbies need to appreciate the new film, The X-Files: I Want to Believe, which opens July 25. (Film.com) I knew this kid once who had every single episode of the X-Files saved on his hard drive and his girlfriend thought it was infantile and stupid and made fun of him to his friends. But she was a bitch and yes, she did look fat in those white pants that time when we had dinner at Morton’s and saw Matt Damon and you tried to get his autograph, but he just turned his head because you were such a stupid fat fatty. Random Hotness Heidi Montag Needs to Stop Katherine Heigl Loses Her Pants Amy Winehouse banned in the USA I would hold Mariah Carey’s Lipstick Kendra Wilkinson’s New Hair Is a No

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Ashley Dupr Gets a Realty Show?

fatback — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:58:43 GMT

Former high priced call girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupré may be getting 15 more minutes of fame - reality style. E! is reporting that she is in negotiations for her own realty series that could range from a dating format to her just riding around in a limo trying to get guys to bang her for money. [Ed. note: I made that last part up] A source tells E!, … that Dupré, 23, has been developing an unscripted show with production execs at L.A.-based Handprint Entertainment, the same company that has managed the career of reality icon Nicole Richie and Pamela Anderson. One of the concepts being considered is a dating format. “They’re talking to MTV about Ashley being the next Tila Tequila,” says a source close to the project. (Handprint execs couldn’t be reached for comment on the project; MTV declined comment). (E!) MTV has gone from a cutting edge, scrappy little network airing the music of a new generation to a soul-raping juggernaut of mind depletion. People actually lose intelligence by watching, starring in a series, or even saying the letters M-T-V out loud. The fact that aspiring film makers in film school can use the terminology “MTV cuts” lets me know that Armageddon is nigh. Except that Armageddon won’t be ushered in by fire and brimstone in the blink of an eye, it will be signaled by slack-jawed drooling automatons with mighty muscular thumbs clicking the remote to MTV’s newest reality show, “The Whore Bachelorette, starring Ashley the Former Whore”. You have been warned. More Posts Like This Ashley Dupre and Her Mom. Holy MILF.

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AMERICA. Fuck yeah!

fatback — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:45:02 GMT

Happy 4th of July Americans! This is the day we celebrate kicking every one else’s ass in every war ever. As the last superpower standing, we come together every year and blow shit up on the day our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence from our British oppressors. Those brave men signed a document that meant that all people had the right to live in freedom without worry of religious or government interference - as long as you were a white upper class property owner living in Boston, New York or Philadelphia. Fuck yeah! It took us a few hundred years to figure out the racism part, but in those few hundred years we decided that America stands for truth, justice and hot chicks in bikinis. True story. They’re adding a book to the Bible right now called the Book of America and on page one is a picture of Marisa Miller. She’s half naked and she embodies everything that Jesus and John Hancock had in mind. So raise your glass of Sam Adams, here’s to America. The haters can suck a bald eagle dick. [Ed. note: Okay, so I published this a bit late. Beer, BBQ, & bikinis are to blame... F.] [pics] More Posts Like This Marisa Miller because I’m going to the beach WTF? Ashley Dupre and Her Mom. Holy MILF. Kelly Brook is Single Jessica Simpson’s Agent Hates Her

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MMmmm-hmm

fatback — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:54:38 GMT

So…they are gay right? Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova have been BFF’s for a while now. So much so that sources say that they may be having sensuous erotic girl on girl sexy relations. Top sources include me and my cock/balls. Also in attendance were Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova, who talked tennis and clothes. “This is my first couture show,” enthused Sharapova, while Belle raved about recently attending the Wimbledon tennis tournament in London. (WWD) Again. In the immortal words of Laverne: MMmmm-hmm. Camilla’s at Wimbeldon cheering Maria on, Camilla’s at a fashion show cheering Maria on, Camilla’s on my couch cheering Maria on. Wait, that last part was written by Mortimer Ichabod Marker in my Judy Blume ‘Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing’ Diary. He can be such kidder! Random Hotness Audrina Patridge is Pure Class Kristen Bell Must Have a Naughty Side Ashley Alexandra Dupré Victoria Beckham dirty pig chicken Lindsay Lohan and Keanu Reeves?

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A-Rods Wife is Banging Lenny Kravitz

fatback — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 12:58:06 GMT

If you’re a man’s man like me, you keep up with the sports even though it’s your job to write about bullshit celebrity gossip. So it’s nice when every now and then the two world’s cross. Like today. Turns out Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod), who has recently been linked to Madonna [which simultaneously excites and creeps me out] may have to keep his wife on a short leash because she’s reportedly banging Lenny Kravitz [whose mom was on the Jefferson's as the the lady who married the white guy]. Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has been in Paris for at least the past four days visiting Grammy-winner Kravitz. C-Rod was seen outside the 44-year-old Kravitz’s pad in the romantic City of Light as recently as Tuesday night. Meanwhile, A-Rod has been in New York with the Bronx Bombers, reading headlines about his numerous visits to Madonna’s Upper West Side apartment, which were first reported by Us Weekly on Tuesday. (NY POST) Cynthia Rodriguez is pretty hot and she looks like she could be on American Gladiators so I see why Lenny Kravitz is hitting that. I bet she cuddles the shit out of Lenny Kravitz at night. A-Rod was named AL MVP for the third time last years and he consistently bats well, but some reason he’s considered a pariah by Yanks fans because of his low post-season batting averages. But then Yankees fans are little snooty. Either way, he makes more money than the whole national GDP of some Latin American countries, so that qualifies him to bang whomever he chooses. It’s in our constitution by God. Sports heroes, politicians and Kennedy’s get money for nothin’ and chicks for free. With the occasional socialite murder thrown in for good measure. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to ask my friend Sarah to explain the infield fly rule. What’s that all about? Random Hotness Alicia Silverstone Is A Naked Activist Bones Are Not Hot, Angelina Jake Gyllenhaal is a badass Southern Hottie of the Day: Stacy Keibler God. Damn. Christina Aguilera.

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Spencer Pratt is Dirty Douche Water

fatback — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:17:46 GMT

Why is this guy famous? What does he do? Spencer Pratt rattles on about how he’s a “businessman”, but he’s no more than a self-righteous sanctimonious dick who gets everything he wants and treats everyone like shit. Therefore I think it is essential that multiple people kick his ass. The cool thing about rich kids is that a dude that pumps gas can still beat thier sissy ass into a bloody, toothless mess. And no matter how many lawyers daddy hires and how much jail time someone gets for it, you still got your ass pounded and that shit stings. I’m not inciting violence or threatening, so much as I’m just appealing to your sense of duty to human race. Do the right thing. Rocks are your friends. Here’s Spencer rolling back his foreskin and showing us his dick. Pratt, 24, fired off a tersely-written statement to Usmagazine.com after [Mary Kate] Olsen, 22, told David Letterman The Hills star used to throw temper tantrums during their high school soccer games.”I apologize for getting caught up in trash talking, but she brought up an emotional subject when she mentioned the soccer stuff,” Pratt tells Us exclusively.”I know Dave was just doing his job in asking her,” he went on. “He’s the best in the game at that.” (US) I love it when spoiled rich kids fight. It makes me forget about all the other cruel shit in world so I can focus my attention on brats who never had a day of strife in their life. Then I remember that they suck and also that Wal-Mart sells automatic rifle shells. You know what would be a cool super hero? The Malibu Punisher. Here’s Heidi Montag, Pratt’s business partner in the final days before she gives up and becomes a porn star. Jesus loves her too! More Posts Like This The Debut of Heidiwood

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Lindsay Lohan Has Another Sister

fatback — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:44:38 GMT

Lindsay Lohan reportedly has a bastard half sister belonging to her father and another woman. Bastard may seem strong, but that’s the terminology. Like how a female dog is a bitch. And so is your whore girlfriend. Like that. Linds’ father, Michael Lohan, has admitted to OK! that, while married — but at the time separated — to now-ex-wife Dina Lohan, he had a relationship with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy. In a statement to OK!, Michael says, “Years later [the woman] contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.” (OK) But Michael Lohan is doing the right thing and providing support for his illegitimate child right? ‘Course not! Michael’s secret daughter has had many conversations with her dad, the girl’s mother tells OK!. He even called her for her 13th birthday on June 12. But he has never visited her or provided financial support. And why should he? It’s not his fault the woman got pregnant. All he did was fuck her, leave it in and never call. Maybe that daughter needs start thinking about a job in showbiz. Those cocks aren’t going to suck themselves. More Posts Like This Lindsay Blows Lindsay Lohan = Worthless Drunk. I’m done. Lindsay Lohan and Keanu Reeves?

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Jennifer Garner is Getting Divorced?

fatback — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:33:28 GMT

Looks like Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck might be heading for a breakup. Apparently because the married couple are not seen together very much the speculation is that they are breaking up. Or that hey have jobs and maybe they’re just gone sometimes during the day. COINCIDENCE??? [ed note: Can you believe that headline? I know, right? I should work for the Post or some shit] Terribly unfortunate scuttlebutt has come my way. Sources insist to me that Jennifer Garner is considering splitting up from her hubby, Ben Affleck. Say it ain’t so, baby-cakes! Nevertheless, waiting on comment now from both parties. Could this be the reason Jen and Ben are always seen cooing over adorable daughter Violet separately, rarely as one happy family unit? Perhaps. And certainly, those who know the former Alias star well insist Ben’s mama has never particularly cared for the gal who broke Michael Vartan’s heart to hook up with Benny-Boy in the first place. (E!) So, is Ben Affleck’s mom a big Alias fan or is she calling Jennifer Garner a whore? Because if my mom called my girl a whore, I’d want to see some proof like some plastic clear high heels, or a lower back tattoo, or her sucking some guy’s cock in front of me. I’m, thorough like that. Random Hotness Kate Moss and Pete Doherty Set a Wedding Date Anne Hathaway is Single Meet Fatback Media Blogger Lennox Miller Miley Cyrus’ Mom Is Hot! Nelly Furtado is Blond

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